2010 Horoscope Forecast
Your 2010 Zodiac (Mis)Fortune:
by: Chuinterpreted by: EzTo fire off the affair let us first congratulate everyone just for making it through a rather catastrophic year. That alone is a feat by itself. Just for surviving 2009, you have a lot to be thankful for. ..... Unless of course you are one of the few signs that gets to suck a little while longer through-out 2010. :)
Just the same, 2010 is going to be 80% a successful year Money and Career Wise, over 85% positive for Romance and Love, and over 70% in the clear Health Wise. It's a lucky year for most of the Zodiac Signs which should be a welcome relief to those who have been contemplating on leaving their wives, killing themselves, or running away. 2010 promises to be a better year, and the low-down per Zodiac Sign comes right after the cut:
Aries:
(Mar 21 to Apr 20)
2010 seems to be a good year for most of the Zodiac Signs, but the Aries is one of the signs that takes a front row seat to a successful 2010.
Your hard work, diligence, and sexual favors will finally reap you benefits this year. The year 2010 promises loads of open opportunities and overwhelming potential success that only a dull-witted zodiac signs like an Aries can miss out on. So if you're an Aries above the age of 24, and don't make headway by the end of 2010, it only means that the universe has conspired to make your life meaningless not because you deserve it but just because the universe wants to just 'for the heck of it'..... or you're so dumb you're dumber than the universe thought you were.
Career opportunities will come aplenty in the first half of the year, while the second half will provide you with a clear avenue to smooth-sail your way even through the first quarter of 2011. You'll be so much of a hit this year that lottery winnings are even highly probable for you. .... Unless of course you are a regular gambler which defeats the whole exercise you lazy scum. So if you happen to be an Aries who doesn't gamble very often, try putting a little money once a month on the lottery and see where that brings you. Luck will be over 30% on your side this year.
What Aries need to do this year is to react decisively. Opportunities are just opportunities and don't mean anything unless you turn them into success. So sleeping on the job still won't get an Aries anywhere next year. Sleeping with the boss however, .... now there's a plan. :)
The low points of the Aries this year, is cash management and time management.... And all sorts of management because a typical Aries is dull witted and slow. So manage your expenses, plan your day, and spend time planning your next step as this will greatly aid you in fully utilizing whatever it is the stars and the planets have going for you for the next 12 to 15 months.
Taurus:
(Apr 21 to May 21)
For the hardworking, bullheaded, insensitively strong member of the Zodiac, 2010 is a good enough year for you. Not as promising as you would wish it to be, because basically 2010 is kinda like the spring board of your 2009. How so? It works like this:
The Taurus is known to be persistent, bullish, and determined. Now 2009 was a very bad year for most people but most Taurus kept their heads, breasts, and balls above water by simply fighting to survive. 2010, is year where the Taurus who fought the hardest and the smartest will be rewarded ..... which kinda sucks because very few Taurus can really be regarded as Smart. Determined and Persistent, Yes. But Smart?? Nope. ;)
So all in all, it'll be a Fine to Great year for the Taurus depending on the work they've put it, the work they'll put it, and the direction they are heading to. So if say you are a Taurus in the Real Estate business, .... go kill yourself now. If you happen to be a Taurus in the Food/Restaurant Business, then things will be fair to very good for you if you act decisively now in elevating your craft and keep the momentum going. If you are a Taurus in the Arts, things will be looking up for you from the 2nd quarter of the year till the year end with very little effort. That's success based on instinct if there was ever one. And the Taurus is the best Zodiac Sign for such a feat.
Gemini:
(May 22 to Jun 21)
Just in case you didn't notice, the Gemini is one of the few Zodiac Signs that doesn't have an animal symbol. Well, that's because it's the Original Sign that doesn't come with an Animal Symbol. Why? Because Bisexuality and Animals don't go together.
If there's one reason to be GAY and Proud of It this year, is it's because it's the year to be GAY and Proud of it. Geminis represent the agreement of the Universe to Gay nature, to Gender Switching, to the Village People. And this year is the coming out party of the premiere Gay member of the Zodiac.
.... So much for the "you're Gay if you're a Gemini" dish-outs. If you didn't catch that, then you're not only Gay you're also dumb. :)
2010 provides a whole host of opportunities for the Gemini and this is without the Gemini even trying. All they have to do is be born under this sign, be their charming, witty, cunning, back-stabbing selves and the rest of 2010 is theirs for the taking. That's how lucky these bastards are this year that I bet 4 to 5 other Zodiac Signs will have to grease up their behinds just to accommodate the Geminis thrusts to stardom this year. Money and Career Wise, the Geminis will lead this year's Zodiac Signs in terms of Opportunities.
If you're a Gemini between the ages of 22 to 35, this is the year where hardwork and concentration will pay off. If you are a Gemini between the ages of 36 to 49, this is the year where your plans whether business or personal will make headway into becoming the hit it deserves to be. This is due to the dramatic change in the position of the Planet Pluto which has been opposing the Gay-Movement for 3 years. For some stroke of luck, it has positioned itself to favor the direct opposite right around the first week of December 2009. So if for whatsoever reason you found yourself feeling some sense of relief the last month, you can expect things to get better, better, and better up to the tail end of November 2010. The peak of the Gemini comes by the end of February 2010, up to the middle of August 2010. Make most of it, and suck yourself to a pretty cocky year Geminis.
Cancer:
(Jun 22 to Jul 22)
Fuck You! And I say FUCK YOU once more because you didn't benefit at all from 2009 and yet 2009 is a year that suited the Cancer Zodiac Sign just fine. Why? Because you are the fucking angel of death. Fuck you, very much.
The good news is: 2010 is going to be a better year for you. Not so fun, but that's okay because most Cancers just like dried-out Punk Artists of the early 80's, don't like having fun the way the world wants to have fun anyway.
Romance wise, you're fortune is fair to moderate. Career wise however, it seems that things will swing your way by the first part of July 2010. What the fortune encourages you to do is to focus on whatever projects you have been pounding on since mid of 2009. For the persistent Cancer, success is very, very, likely to come by the mid of the 3rd quarter of 2010 and will carry over till the first part of 2011. In fact, the Cancer's chances of enjoying good fortune depends highly on how they do during the first half of 2010. So Cancers, I say .... Ready, ..... Get Set, ....... Go Fuck Yourselves!!
Leo:
(Jul 23 to Aug 21)
This is the year when you gain control back. Which should be good for you because Leos are suppose to be leaders and when they're not leading, they're just as good as dead .... or like shit, whichever makes you feel better thinking about a Leo. :)
This year however, a Leo will enjoy much potential in what they do best: Which is to show off, show boat, and take the credit for anything and everything that's good in the world. If that's the measure of success, then you're going to be over 85% successful this year my Leo friends. Career Wise, you'll also be enjoying an amazing year which kicks-off by first week of March. The success of the Leo is even expected to go past mid of next year PROVIDED that the Leo makes full use of the opportunities open to them by middle of this year. Which then means: The Leo should find a sucker Zodiac to boss around and enslave into doing the work for them. Watch out Capricorns. You're the Leo's favorite loser and it seems you're going to suffer again this year.
Romance wise, the Leo is expected to have more sex this year alone than the last 32 months. For a Leo, that's pretty amazing already.
The Leo is expected to have a year that's generous with fortune except for those who engage in Technology Related work, and Sports Related Endeavors. Leaders in those particular fields take a backseat as the universe this year favors people with better spirit than raw hunger for power and cruel intentions. ;)
Virgo:
(Aug 22 to Sep 23)
So much for the bad fortune, 2010 rewards your suffering by giving you a year that's .... slightly better. Slightly better but still better for the Virgo who have been the center of enormous misfortune the past decade.
As I was browsing around the chart with Chu, exchanging err "wisdom of the stars" amongst the Zodiac experts, I couldn't help but feel sorry for the typical Virgo particularly because they've played the suckers for misfortunes longer than any Virgo deserves. Virgos have been nothing threatening to mankind except for the crazy concepts and mad ideas of reforms, but Virgos are generally just haywired clowns with bad ideas and Schizophrenic tendencies. But at least for the past 3 and 1/2 years they haven't enjoyed a single good year. The best they got from 2009 was a month and a week of moderately good fortune which I guess most Virgos misused giving them zero luck just the same.
But 2010 gives the Virgo a good shot at a fruitful year ahead. But since they're losers and suckers with small penises or sagging breasts, it comes with a limited time and the limited time has to be played well if at all they are to benefit from it. The trick for the Virgo is to pound on the opportunity of fortune and roll from there. The bad news as stated already is it's Limited. The good news is, if you pound on it right then your chances of a good pay-off is very very high.
The first wave of fortune sneaks in right around the planet Saturn shift from your line of focus enabling a clear but very limited path of sky to the stars for a full 30 days. It's the best opportunity for hardworking Virgos to pour their hearts out on a project because the good fortune from it will sustain their luck till the end of the year 2010. Saturn's shift comes around the full moon of .... December 2nd 2009, ... Darn!! It took me awhile to write this one and so we missed that limited window of opportunity already. So we move onto the new wave of opportunity ... come February ... but by 2011. ;) Sorry, Virgos. Better luck next year Suckers.
Libra:
(Sep 24 to Oct 23)
The key to this year's success is your ability to balance your good fortune this year, with the obligation you have to the less fortunate members of society. Meaning, for you to enjoy the full benefits of your good fortune you have to do some sort of charity work this year .... which only means, that Libras will enjoy a good first half of 2010, and lose it due to selfishness and cocky tendencies as early as the first week of August 2010.
That's excellent news since I hate Libras and I only like them because they are too liberated "morals" sounds like "corals" to them. ;)
2010 however will give Libran's the PEACE they've been searching for the last 5 to 6 years. That alone should make this year a successful year for the typical Libra for it will serve as a springboard to a very promising 2011.
Romance wise, Libras as going to be at their peak both for the single Libras and the married ones. If you are a Libra and have been having difficulties having children, this is the year that will change that. A good time to conceive will be during the months of April and May. Or during monthly Wet-Shirts Contests at your local hick-bar's toilet. Or during coffee breaks in mid July at your office's secluded file room. :)
Scorpio:
(Oct 24 to Nov 22)
Your tenacity has frightened the bad fortune away from 2009 and invited good fortune through hardwork and determination this year. For whatsoever freaky reasons, 2010 will be a good year for you despite early interpretation that it was only going to be a so-so year for the typical Scorpio. That's Scary Personality for you and I give you two thumbs up because you managed to scare the misfortune away from your 2009 year too.
2010 will fire off with much hope and peace for the typical Scorpio, but will hit a temporary downhill by mid of March till late April 2010. This is where the tenacity of the Scorpio sets in and should the Scorpio counter this wave of bad luck with determination and focus, they will surely reap it's benefits from early June until mid December 2010. A tough feat for you this year, but you should take it. You deserve worse, you know?
Romance wise, the male Scorpio will drug a lot of their partners into submission, take advantage of drunk chicks, sexually harass employees into doing them sexual favors, and cheat their wives most of the way. That's simply out of sheer ferocity and pumped up determination. Here's a link to a clip that exemplifies the 2010 Male Scorpio's hyped-up sexual drive: Girl Gets Mashed-up by Guys at New Year's Countdown with special thanks to the pervs of Gutteruncensored.com for the clip.
The 2010 Female Scorpio on the other hand will have a different kind of hyped-up sex drive. They'll have a good time faking orgasm, being cruel to subordinates and co workers, and some will even threaten to eat their children, which is sexually rewarding enough if you are female and happen to be a Scorpio.
Sagittarius:
(Nov 23 to Dec 22)
You know the year is going to be a good one when you browse through the zodiac charts and notice that the carefree, free spirited Sagittarius is going to have ample amounts of fortune this year. For a Zodiac Sign that doesn't really do anything worth noticing (except clean, reorganize, give mediocre blow-jobs or munch-jobs, or change flat tires), to have an excellent year just BECAUSE the stars and planets align themselves to such a pattern, then it's going to be a good year no matter what. In fact, you can try gambling your savings away and have a 15% chance of return just because the year's Horoscope says that the Sagittarius is going to enjoy good fortune this year. That's that!! And I'm serious about that gambling bit though we don't recommend it (at least not on this blog :) )
It took two Planets to Position themselves Positively for this once in a decade year where the Sagittarius strikes gold that could very well propel them into the next decade.
Career Opportunities, Recognition, Romance, Health, Spiritual Matters, Money Matters, you name it! The Sagittarius will hit it's peak by late February and will peak until June this year. The good fortune however will hold steady until November 2010, take a limited nap for the first 2 weeks of December, and move up again by the last week of the year bridging good fortune upto the first week of May 2011. That's how long a roll of good fortune there is in store for the Sagittarius.
The Sagittarius highly favored this year are the typical Sagittarius which are usually Homemakers, Cooks, Events Organizers, Best Friends, Side-Kicks, Passive Mistresses, and Drunks. While Sagittarius with Spine and More Personality than necessary should check their birth records if they really were born under Sagittarius.
The only downside to all of the Sagittarians' good fortune this year is the inability of the typical Sagittarius to sustain themselves from over-indulging, totally forgetting the eventual come-back of bad luck. I guess that's the downside to being "insignificant". You're bound to fall flat on your face eventually. So until then, good luck and have fun. You are this year's STAR Zodiac. The one who holds the top spot in LUCK ... now go be productive, be successful, celebrate your success, and blow some stranger's dong along the way.
Capricorn:
(Dec 23 to Jan 20)
You're going to have a bad year. Yup. When someone gets to enjoy a good year then someone else will have to suffer. In the case of 2010 which is a Generally Good Year, most of the Zodiac Signs are expected to bask in good fortune. Some however, will still have to take the role of the suckers. You Capricorn, are one of the favorite Suckers of the Zodiac. And rightfully so because you are uninteresting, and this year you suffer because there is nothing in this year that goes hand-in-hand with someone uninteresting.
But since 2010 is Generally a Good Year with enormous amounts of Fortune for everyone, the bad fortune plaguing Capricorns this year provides exceptions to the following at certain points of the year: Athletes, Politicians, Sluts, and Civic Leaders. This exception of good fortune is dictated by some universal twist of fate that rewards hard work and sincerity to a few who have sustained such an attitude for the last 2 bad years. .... With sincerity in mind, I guess Politicians were just scratched-off the list. ;) Sluts however, are very much welcome to stay on the list.
The bad economy from late 2008 to 2009 will affect most Capricorns further. It will give them a temporary relief come early July to mid August but stupid personal problems like loss of spirit, stress related slump, and itchy pussy, will level that off giving you another year that's as worse as 2009 or even worse because you're totally sapped out of any further ideas.
You'll probably lose two jobs this year unless you are an Athlete, a Politician, a Slut or a Civic Leader. But will survive the trying times again due to bad luck. When surviving is considered bad luck, then I say it's a bad year indeed for these piece of shit.
Romance wise, the Capricorn in General (which means even Athletes, Politicians etc. are included) will have a love life that is as boring as tap water. Hell, even Sluts will suffer the same fate. So the stars have come together to spice it up a bit. Kinda like tap water with a pinch of sugar. Which then means that you'll probably get laid twice as much as you got laid last year. Which means cheap prostitutes will make a good enough living from the mediocre income you bring home this year.
I suggest that you sleep through 2010.... and I mean literally Sleep and not "sleep around". :)
Aquarius:
(Jan 21 to Feb 19)
It's going to be a fruitful year for the Aquarius but in a spooky crazy sort of way. How is that? It doesn't really involve much money nor does it involve romance in a sexually gratifying sense, but the fortune is still there for the ones born under this sign. What it shows us is that the Aquarius will reap it's benefits in terms of health and spirit. .... Health I can understand. But Spirit? What the FUCK??
But the good news is you will gain a lot of following, which should work for you if you are a thief and a politician. It shall also bring back respect you've lost or you've longed for. Which should be good if say you were a whore last year. Maybe you'll get paid twice as much for a quickie this year because of the respect thing.
Career wise, your luck is sooo messed up it reminds me of how messed up the Aquarius happens to be that it's only natural for them to have a fortune that's as weird as a cross-dressing Oscar Dela Hoya who denies he's a sick pervert who likes to wear tight panties.
Anyway, you are going to have a positive year as per the heavenly bodies, but as to how and why? Maybe because you are weird and spooky that you help keep the balance. Good luck to you, sicko.
Pisces:
(Feb 20 to Mar 20)
It's good, best, better and good for you this year. The way you deserve it .... just because you are one of those who have suffered bad luck since early 2008. It's only fitting that the stars hands you a break every so often just to keep you alive so they can torture you again in the next 2 years.
The first quarter to 2nd quarter of this year will be a big bang for the Pisces. Opportunities in every aspects of your life will come like lottery winnings you will be pissing you pants if you are a guy, and cumming on your panties if you are female. You'll be so overwhelmed by opportunities that by the turn of the June, you'll start being snotty like you were back in 2007. By then you're luck will still be good except for a few death threats and disgruntled relatives and children. A few Pisces will probably be attacked but good fortune dictates that they're likely survive the assaults. :)
You are one of the main stars this year so no matter what you do this year, so as long as you do it with the idealistic and self-centered flare that you Pisces are known for, there's a 70% to 80% chance of success. Especially in career and money matters. Health wise, is on the above average note too, and Peace ... well, that's where it goes down and only because you are such a prick/cunt that you'll naturally bring violence into your life just because you were born that way.
Romance and Love wise, as always you will have better luck with a vibrator or some fleshlight. Pisces male are Perverts so there is no romance to look forward to. While female Pisces are boring sex partners, ... which means they are best laid when out cold. ;)
For your Zodiac Sign Personality Profile, check out the following link: Your ZODIAC SIGN Personality Profile
The Year's Overview:
Generally a big step or two from the Dark Times which was from the onset of 2008 to late 2009. 2010 gives us positive opportunities and positive pull towards attaining our goals. Be it that your Zodiac Sign is on a negative note this year, there is still a good chance to rub-in some good fortune from the other members of the Zodiac, most of which are going to enjoy a good to a very good fortune this year.
The year 2010 is going to be positive in fields such as food, fashion, arts, and entertainment. It will be so-so in fields of technology and manpower. Industries and Infrastructure will be on a losing note. Real Estate will rebound just a bit not because of good fortune but because of an extremely bad run the last 2 years. All in all, it's not an investment nor a profession that's highly recommended for the first 10 months of 2010.
Marriages, Unions, and Relationships are on the average this year. Relationships that are already existing however are greatly favored. This is due to practical reasons and not just because of the stars anymore as relationships that lasted the trying times of the last year have more reasons to flourish this year. New Relationships however will mostly serve as a distraction to the more than ample opportunities that are out there for most people.
Health wise, the year is barely on the positive note. Things will not be as serious as 2009 when outbreaks of H1N1 threatened the world, but there will be small more manageable outbreaks that will still keep people up on their toes. Upper Respiratory Problems will once more lead all diseases this year.
Still 2010, is a good year. An Excellent Banner Year. And an exciting start to a brand new decade that in contrast to the 2000's, shall fire off with 2 to 3 successive years of flourishing opportunities. The only bump that can be seen at this point in time in the future is Peace and Order. ... Which again is more practical logic than fortune telling.
Good luck! Happy New Year! And may your Fortune be Good if not Kind.
Read on ....
Private Eye on a Public Pry
A lot of people have already seen her strut her stuff better than a drugged Hayden Kho, but the web just can't get enough of this cutey-cutey chick and her cutey-cutey numbers that has been regarded from being a Net Sensation to Attention Whoring. Sensation or Whore, .... it doesn't make much difference to me. ;) The thing is this Chubby Cosplaying Bundle of Cuteness has pleased male audiences from the ages of 8 to 88 with her YouTube Numbers. That's from Puberty to the Grave, ladies and gentlemen not to mention a few growling Lesbos in between the dicks. That's teaching 8 year old boys to take their laptops to the bathroom to milk-their-monkeys, to reviving the long-dead wankers of old geezers. That alone is a Sensational feat or ... Attention Whoring in a very productive way. :)
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